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My lady is really pissed now and I hear about it for xxx days. She tells me that gas mowers take up too much space in the garage and that they make a lot of noise which she finds irritating, I said "But it was FREE!!!"..she tells me that I have a big ego and that Im unreasonable. Eventually she and I it quits and she leaves, no biggie really, weve been on the rocks for a while now anyway. Im happier now and so is the dog, I think. I the magneto out of the tractor with the thrown and get the first mower running. Surprisingly it runs good and is kind of fun to putt around the yard with, and Im not even getting screeched at anymore because of my latest obsession with "Antique Yard Equipment". I sharpen the mower blades and put the mower back onto the tractor and mow the yard with my headphones and dark sunglasses on, nodding at my reflection a little each time I pass the big living room , damn I look good up there on that machine and the from the HUGE .59 ahead with my free lawn mower. I leave my neighbors house after mowing his yard and drive up onto the sidewalk to get back to my house when all of a sudden this knock-out redhead is there and motioning for me to stop, I shut down and take off my head phones and at her over my sunglasses thinking that shes about to at me for driving on the sidewalk. She says "WOW! a classic Sears Craftsman with 59 Briggs and Stratton, very impressive and in excellent condition!" She goes on to tell me that she really digs guys with riding lawn mowers that have an attitude and drive on sidewalks. She explains to me that its always been her dream to hang with riding lawn mower dudes and that she "aint no wannabe but the real deal". She then says that there is a "Sturgis" every year for people with riding lawn mowers that she always attends and that she even won the wet T-shirt contest years in a row....I believe her. I to her that I just replaced the magneto in my tractor and that I have a spare tractor just like it for parts. She nods and tells me that I can pull 59 out of the engine, easy, with twin overhead cams and a multi-port but Id have to beef up the bottom end, like she did in her mower back in California, that she races. My lady has been gone several months now and I havent been with another woman yet so the whole time that Im talking to this chick Im getting more and more turned on by the minute and am about to ask her out when this big dude comes over and slaps her on the ass and says to me "Nice machine bro".. The hot red head then introduces me to her husband and explains that hes a retired Navy SEAL and that a lot of retired Special Forces people are real heavy into riding lawn mowers because of the adrenaline that they get from feeling the wind in their hair when theyre mowing. I just sigh and nod. A week later my neighbor who I mowed the lawn for asks me to come over and mow his yard again and I do for another $59.59. Afterward he tells me that this blonde chick who has a house just up the street needs her lawn mowed, would I do it for 59 bucks? Its a sunny afternoon and I dont have anything else to do so I say yeah sure and he tells me he just talked with her on the phone and to just go mow her yard and knock on the door when Im done and shell pay me. So I go over and mow this blonde chicks yard, easy money as her yard is flat with no , large landscape rocks or other BS to mow around. I get done, shut down the machine and walk up to her door and knock. I want to hurry up and get paid so I can go home, its 59:59 now. After I knock for the third time the door opens and this ultra hot blonde chick opens the door with a see-through night gown on and I can see a tattoo on her boob of a guy on a riding lawn tractor with SEARS FOREVER written underneath, shes clutching a beer and cigarette in xxx hand and holding a remote for a TV in the other. She tells me that her name is and that shes seen me mowing around town. Then she says in a real husky voice, "The sound of your machine REALLY turns me on, maybe I could go for a ride sometime?" I tell her its a classic Sears Craftsman mower with 59 raw power under the hood and a 59 inch cut, platinum sparkplug and that its not a machine for beginners but maybe Ill give her a ride someday if shes lucky. (Im thinking hell yeah you can go for a ride). Then explains that shes a little short on cash for the mow job and asks if maybe we could, well, make other arrangements? Shes holding the screen door open and Im about to take a step closer to her when I hear this dude behind her say "I got fifty bucks, here, pay'im and tell'im to get the hell outta here." is "kinda" married it seems... I listen to the deep throb of the huge 59 power engine and its lonesome song of destiny as I drive on the sidewalk and head home in the setting sun, all the while thinking of and what could have been. 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